Monday, December 28, 2009

Wishin You Well In Your Journey

I thought about you tonight. Did you grow wings instantly? Did it hurt? Is sissy taking care of you? Will I know you when I look at you. Are your eyes going to shine brightly? I'm missing you. I'm thinking of you! Was your journey worth it? I didn't even get to wipe a single tear. I didn't even get to recieve a single kiss. I'm understanding what it's like to have a piece of your heart missing. I always seem to find myself alone. He's working. She's sleeping. My thoughts are constantly racing. I don't really know what or who they are racing against...Possibly time? It's heart breaking to know with every breath I take I'm losing you. With every simple breath you breathe your dying...fading...drifting. You aren't mine. I don't know you inside out like He does. I'll never know how many hairs are on your many breaths you will breathe in this many blinks you will many sneezes you'll sneeze. I'll never cherish every single moment...especially those whiney ones. I start to wonder if you'll be mad at me for not giving it my all? I'm starting to wonder if you will always see lonliness, forgetfulness, hurtfulness, pain in my eyes? Will you think less of me when the stories are told? Will you brush it past you like I have done. Are my memories of Christmas always going to be tainted with the what ifs? I'm hurting, your laughing. Doesn't really seem fair. Are you up there thinking of me? Have you seen me? Really seen me? Are you flying? Are you walking? I have to ask myself...are these thoughts worth running through my mind. I'll never know what you looked like, I'll never know what you smelt like, I'll never know...and it KILLS me not to know. I will never know you. I've already forgotten so much. Memories are memories that at some point fade...

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