Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Pouring Out My Feelings

I had one of the best talks with God this morning. It was moving. I instantly felt different...I know He is standing with me now as soft tears roll down my cheeks. I'm not crying because I'm sad, angry or anything else really. Just for the loss of my baby. The one I carried for a few short weeks. Then I think back to Kayleigh this little girl IS wonderful. She lived a short life, but it was more satisfying than the 22 yrs I've been on this earth. I can't even imagine how much their parents must miss her. But I can pray for them. As I will continue to do for years to come.

John and I finally decided to start trying again. My heart aches. I really want another child to love and cuddle. I want to make Kylie Jade a big sister. I never knew how heartbreaking this process could be. I never knew I'd actually PLAN for a baby. I just assumed it would happen. As everyone around me is carrying babies, I find my heart breaking. I can't get away from it. It's constantly on my mind. I am a more positive person and am hoping I will have a wonderful, healthy pregnancy.

Just pray for us as we go through this journey of trying to conceive it's already got me messed up and it's only been one month.