Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I Know Where I'm Going

I have always had big dreams...since I was young. It's crazy, but I finally feel at peace with my desicion in what I want to do with the rest of my life. Maybe, just maybe God will show me if this is the right path for me.

3 days til my baby girl turns one. It's amazing.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Coolidge Park

John and I had a wonderful Memorial Day as we took our daughter to Coolidge park for the first time. She played in the fountain and rode on the carousel, we went to the mall, and to the park. We just had a good, much needed family day. Although she threw up about 6 times last night. I held and comforted my daughter even through sleepy eyes. Because of Kayleigh Freeman I will no longer complain when my daughter cries at night waking my peaceful sleep, I will no longer find her a burden when I just need to get things done. Because of Kayleigh Freeman I will play with her longer, run my hands through her hair, take in her smell, comfort her in her time of need.

Kylie Jade loved the fountains she just had the best time ever! She loved splashing and had the best time with her daddy. This mom thing is just wonderful! Her smile, and laughs just let me taste a little dose of heaven! I'm so thankful God let me have Kylie Jade and has given me almost one year with my beautiful, sweet daughter. Thank you God.

Enjoy the pictures.

God Bless,


Sunday, May 24, 2009

Memorial Day Cookout

It's a day early, but I'm surrounded by family, and can feel the love. My daughter is slowly making progress with walking, and standing alone. It makes me feel so happy to know that she is finally progressing in that area. I've been worried about it.

I had to the scare of my life, as she almost fell, head first, down the stairs. It's been an amazing journey with Kylie Jade. She only has 6 days left of true babyhood, and then she will be considered a toddler. It's weird to me to think that this time last year I was swollen and couldn't even put my shoes on.

As I hear the happy chatter of my family in the next room I realize how wonderful life really is. Thank you God for blessing me with my family. I'm one of the luckiest girls in the world.

God bless,

PS I'm still praying hard for Kayleigh Anne Freeman and her parents Adam and Aimee. Just keep them all in your prayers as little Kayleigh is an angel now :(

Saturday, May 23, 2009

2 Years of Marriage

John and I have had our struggles. Our battles seemed to be endless at times, and divorced was seriously considered once. When things get tough, sometimes it's easier to just quit. I've learned through a touching story of a little girl named Kayleigh Anne Freeman, to not give up so easily. I've prayed more than I've ever prayed before, and this time I really believe what I'm saying. I'm mortified of some of the dumb things I've done, but God lead me to Kayleigh. He wanted me to change my life...and thankfully it worked. Thank you Kayleigh for everything you've done for me! I'll forever be greatful, even though you're an angel now...I still feel like I knew's weird.

Today John and I celebrated 2 yrs of marriage. It was amazing. We went to eat at Red Robin and we went Bowling. It was a lot of fun. I love my husband so very much. It was amazing how much you can connect when you don't have to worry about a child, don't get me wrong I love my daughter with my whole being...but sometimes being away for 2 hrs can reboost you. It was just nice to walk hand in hand with my husband.

John, thank you for everything you've done for me! You're amazing. My love for you grows more and more everyday. I pray every night you return home safely from work. I admire your strength...I admire your determination. You may think you fail, but you're wonderful in my eyes. You make my heart feel complete. You were there by my side when I delivered Kylie Jade...and you never walked away. You're always there for me. You are my life. I love how you have passion, love, and happiness bubbled up inside of you. I love how you are such a wonderful daddy. I love how you are so eager to give to the church. I love how you are a wonderful Christian man. You are my light. Thank you for bringing me closer to God. Thank you for everything. John, I love you.

Happy 2 years of marriage baby, and many, many more years to come!!!!

Friday, May 22, 2009

The Birth of a Princess

"I'm pregnant," it was announced on September 30th, 2007. Gosh now that seems so far away.

John and I have been dating since I was a Sophomore and he was a Freshmen in high school. We had a rollercoaster ride of dates, and breakups, but even through it all we birthed a miracle.

We moved in together before John even graduated from High School, but we didn't want to do the deed until we were married. Pastor Scott Ptak married us on May 23rd, 2007 (almost 2 years ago now). Not long after we had a crazy night in bed and I got pregnant. September 10, 2007 to be exact. I knew something was funny, I wasn't eating a lot, and I couldn't fit in my wedding dress, but I didn't want to think of the worst, so I just went on dieting until I could fit into my dress. September 23, 2007 John and I got married, with tons watching, in a church. We had a great time then, but something still felt funny. On Sept. 28th I knew I was pregnant because my periods are always regular and I hadn't hit it. Sept. 30th my sister-in-law came with me to buy a pregnancy test. Two came out positive...and I was sooo happy.

As my belly grew I became frustrated. The first trimester I couldn't hold anything down, but the occasional Taco Bell and Sprite. I remember one night I was puking my lungs out when my little brother, Stephen, whom shared the apartment with us, accidentally burnt his popcorn. I came slowly out of my room, with tears in my eyes, and pointed to his popcorn. I couldn't talk for fear of puking all over the floor. John knew what I was saying and opened the screen door. Thankfully, I got back to sleep without any terrible reactions. After the first trimester, where I basically puked out my heart...things started to clear up. My head wasn't so fuzzy, I could step out of the room without running to the bathroom, and my belly began to grow. Things were going prefectly fine until the last trimester, the trimester of playing the waiting game. I had my baby shower which went splendidly, and now it was time...or closing in time to have the baby. I already knew it was a girl, in which I almost balled my eyes out right on the exam table. Oh how I longed for a little boy, but she's a girl. We moved into our house on April 1st, 2008. It was exciting I could finally make my little girls room up. Paint it, and get everything ready for the big day. It was a blast getting her room and playroom set up.

My due date was closing in, and I was getting tired, and out of breath. After many crazy braxton hicks contractions, swelling of the feet, and emergency DR visits...I awoke one morning and could not breathe. Her foot was pushing on my rib cage. Every move I made was more uncomfortable than the last. I went to bed that night a brave soldier, but got no sleep due to the constant pain in my chest. When I woke the next morning the pain was even worse. May 29th, 2008 I went to the DR. and they checked me out. They prescribed me Malox and told me to drink water and rest for 2 hrs. to see if that did anything. Nothing. I awoke with a neasuating feeling in the pit of my stomach. My little brother drove me back to the hospital. They checked me for dilation and sent me off the the Erlanger downtown to deliver my baby girl. I went in at 4:00 pm. I texted John and Stephen drove me to him at work. I got in our car and John took me the rest of the way. They were sticking me and prodding me and poking me with needles. And anyone that knows me well knows that I HATE that. Eventually everything worked itself out and night was falling. I fell asleep watching Save the Last Dance. I woke up feeling a big gush...they broke my water at 4:00 in the morning. I couldn't feel my contractions, but my mother talked me into getting an epidural. I freaked out...and cried a lot...they did it anyway. I started feeling contractions after the epidural...which I regret to this day. They started my drip around 11 am. I started to dilate...and it was coming along slowly. They said I was dilated 7 and I asked how much longer and was told a few hours 10 mins later I was dilated to 9 1/2 and was told to start pushing. I started pushing around 5:25 and had my baby girl at 5:43 pm on May 30th, 2008. Kylie Jade Rollan weighed 7 lbs. 15 ounces. She is my little angel. After they stitched me up, and got Kylie Jade ready they wheeled me off to recovery. I was dizzy and hungry and didn't know what was going on. I fell asleep and don't remember anything. I woke up the next day and begged for a shower that they thankfully let me have! The hospital stay was long and after delivering her on Friday we finally got to take our sweet baby girl home on Sunday. Homecoming was nice, but the nights were long. Thankfully John shared in the duties.

Every month I took a picture of Kylie Jade. We began seeing her do amazing things. Rolled over at 3 mths, ate solid foods at 4 mths, sat up unsupported at 5 1/2 mths, got first teeth at 6 mths, crawled and stood up holding onto something at 7 mths, crusied by 8 mths, and is now in a stand still at 11 mths. I love watching my baby girl grow. And seeing her experience her first Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas has been beyond amazing.

I've been completely blessed, and we finally found a church home in Dec. that we call home. I absolutely love being there.

Now my daughter's one year birthday is coming up in almost a week...and I see all the changes that have been placed before us. Our journey has been a good one. I am forever greatful that God has given me an angel that, thankfully, hasn't grown her wings yet. I check on her sleeping every night and say a silent prayer of thanks for letting her come home mostly unscathed. I am blessed...and I feel for those who have loved and lost...and didn't get to know their little ones.

Thank you God for giving me Kylie Jade Rollan!